Some Thoughts on Discipline

We each have times when we must reset. We must reestablish boundaries, good habits, and discipline. This is true of course in all areas of our life but especially in parenting.

Here is a list of reminders I made for myself. Perhaps it can help you, too.

Recognize the difference between defiance and childishness. A spill is a childish error. A child can (and should) help clean up, but there should not be punishment. Outright defiance of an already spoken rule is a different matter. Punishment is not just deserved but necessary in such a case. Deciding on the punishment beforehand helps us to be less emotional and more objective.

Take the log out of your own eye. Perhaps my child’s obedience (or lack thereof) may be helped as I fix my own sinful reactions.
Matthew 7:3-5 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Steward your energy wisely. I read once that most bad parenting results from parents’ tiredness, not ignorance. Cut back on activities in order to have the emotional energy necessary to parent well.

Less is more. How greatly motivated are you when lectured? Choose your words sparingly, speak firmly, and always in love.

Slow down. When you are constantly moving at breakneck speed, everyone feels more stressed.

When speaking to your child, make eye contact. Get on her level and touch her. It is much harder to raise your voice when holding a hand.

Build up. The Bible says it like this: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29). This applies to parents speaking to children too.

Teach in calm not just chaos. Read good stories, the Bible, and talk about life. Ask what they are struggling with. Talk about your own childhood mistakes.

Pray for them. Pray for yourself. Philippians 4:6 says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.“

Do it now. Don’t start tomorrow. Don’t choose the dishes over discipline. The children are not getting in the way of your work: the children are your work. It takes as long as it takes. The molding of souls is not a task that can be set in a timetable, but it is a task that has eternal consequences.

Photo by dylan nolte on Unsplash