Tucked into the epistle to the church in Ephesians we find some practical and succinct directives for our parenting. I often wish for God to give specific guidance in my parenting situations and forget that He has already given specific directions in His word!
Here are some thoughts from Ephesians 6:1-4.
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Perhaps it is strange to begin the idea of parenting with a command for children. And yet, it is a good reminder for parents that we are following God’s directions by requiring and teaching our children to obey – so long as what we are requiring is “in the Lord.” Do my instructions reflect the Lord’s priorities or my own desires?
Of course, obedience is a funny thing. Does it count as obedience if I drag my feet? Argue? Sigh heavily as I complete the task? We each (even adults!) must obey some authority – in the world, in the work force, and of course to God himself. What am I teaching through my own example as I complete tasks I do not care for?
Teaching my children (and myself) to obey is the training ground for their later spiritual lives.
2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),
Honor means to revere, venerate or value. Does my own life show I honor my parents (even as an adult)? What about my husband’s parents? What of older people in general (spiritual mothers and fathers)?
How do I allow my children to speak to me? Do I teach them to talk respectfully? If they do not learn to speak respectfully to me, how will they speak to other adults?
Then Paul is careful to note: “this is the first commandment with a promise.” What is the promise? Paul references Exodus 20 with the next verse:
3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Obedience and blessing have always been inextricably tied together. When we can learn to obey (and help our children to obey), we will find more blessing than we could have imagined!
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
The word “fathers” is certainly not exclusive: mothers are not to provoke their children to anger either! And this command should sober any parent.
The way I discipline, the attitude I have, the words I use matter. I must be diligent and firm but also gentle and patient. I am dealing with tender hearts. My actions this very moment affect eternity. I have responsibility both to discipline and not to provoke.
What does it mean to “bring them up”? This phrase draws a picture of intentionality. I am bringing them up, as opposed to “dragging them along.” This requires consistency and perseverance, a willingness to keep training despite discouragement, conflict, mistakes, and weariness. It also requires a great deal of introspection and prayer from my own heart. There is not a one size fits all formula. I will have to think (creatively sometimes) about how best to bring up this particular soul. What worked with the first born will almost certainly not work the same way with the second born. They are each unique souls but still equally made in the image of God.
Finally, we are told to bring them up in “the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This would be as opposed to my own ideas or agenda or parenting philosophies or what my neighbors, friends, or family think. This too is where the parent derives her authority. I represent a much higher authority: the Lord himself! But this also demands that I myself am careful to learn and know what his instruction should be.
May we each strive to intentionally, prayerfully discipline these souls God has placed in our influence!
Photo by wang binghua on Unsplash
