Dealing with Difficult People

Each of us must cope with at least one person in our lives who is less than ideal. Perhaps they have greatly wronged us. Perhaps they are merely irritating. These are opportunities for us to practice our patience and compassion and to lean on the Lord’s understanding.

Here are a few biblical principles to keep in mind as we deal with difficult people.

Pray about it

Philippians 4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 Peter 5:7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

The Lord wants to help you carry your troubles. And he understands dealing with difficult people!

Practice being a good forgiver

Colossians 3:12-13 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

It’s hard to bear with others and their foibles. But of course, sometimes, others will have to bear with… me!

Speak the truth in love

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

Sometimes we make the situation more difficult by bottling everything inside when instead with a few calm sentences we could clear the air (and our hearts).

Proverbs 26:4-5 Answer not a fool according to his folly,
lest you be like him yourself.
Answer a fool according to his folly,
lest he be wise in his own eyes.

Sometimes it is wise to speak. Other times, it is better to be silent. Wisdom tells the difference.

Don’t react in like kind

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Soft answers often (but not always) turn away wrath

Try to let go of the bad feelings

Ephesians 4:26-27, 31 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil…. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Develop some humility about yourself

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Perhaps I can be difficult too!

Spend your emotional energy wisely

Luke 10:41-42 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,  but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

My dad used to ask: “Is this a hill worth dying on?” Often, we are upset for silly reasons. Our time and emotional energy is better spent on more worthwhile things.

Do what you can but realize you can’t always fix things

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Curb your tongue, especially when speaking to others

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing

Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

I remember a Bible class where my dad issued a practical challenge: When you want to criticize someone, fine. First say 3 good things about him. Then you can voice your complaint. Of course, after finding three good things about him, you may find you don’t need to voice that complaint so much!

The Lord has been patient with all of us. And he can help us learn to be patient with others.

Photo by Richard Lee on Unsplash