“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” is a bald faced lie. Harsh words do indeed hurt, though the wounds are invisible to the human eye. The sting of them lingers, sometimes years afterward.
Sometimes, of course, I need and deserve rebuke. The wise man reminds us that “wounds from a friend can be trusted” (Proverbs 27:6, NIV). “The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise” he says in another place (Proverbs 15:31). It is possible that I might need some guidance in how I live my life!
But what about harsh words that hold no truth? What of unfair criticism and slander? Unfortunately, we are not in control of what others say to us (fairly or unfairly), but we can choose how to respond. How then should we biblically respond to slander?
We can be driven deeper into the arms of God. God after all is the one who knows me and what’s true. He also knows what it is like to be slandered. His suffering face comforts our own suffering. And he is a safe place to pour out our hearts.
When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly ~ 1 Peter 2:23
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us. ~ Psalm 62:8
We are given practice in forgiving as Christ forgave. How difficult it is to bear with others, to turn the other cheek, to forgive as Christ did! And yet, in doing so, we become more like him!
bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ~ Colossians 3:13
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you ~ Matthew 6:14
We reach a turning point emotionally. Will I allow this person’s untrue words to dictate my day and life? Or can I choose instead to trust the life-giving truth of God’s words and give my burden to him? To keep doing what is right despite what is said about me?
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. ~ Colossians 3:2
The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe. ~ Proverbs 29:25
Finally, it helps me reflect on my own words. Perhaps we are most deeply conscious of our own words after we have been deeply hurt by others’ words. And yet, in those raw emotional times, we are sometimes blessed by precisely the right word at just the right time. Words hold great power. The wise man reminds us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21). James warns us in another place:
So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. ~ James 3:5-6
Yet the converse is also true. Our words can build, bind up, and bless others:
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear ~ Ephesians 4:29
May we each seek to build and not tear down with our words.
Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash
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